A Torture called "Bheema"

It was a freezing friday evening. Friday night show movies have become a kind of routine here in Chicago. I had two options last night, one was "Bheema" featuring "Seeyan" Vikram and the other was "Kaalai" featuring "Little Super Star" Simbu. Having watched couple of dumb scenes from Simbu's best movies earlier, i decided it was safe to stay away from "Kaalai" and decided to head for "Bheema". Little did i know that i would be facing the worst torture in my life that night...

First, as i approached the ticket counter, the guy selling tickets spoke in Tamil and asked me "How many?" with a wry smile. I was so glad to hear someone speak in Tamil here, but only later i realized that the smile indirectly was at the "five bakras" who had come to watch this movie.

And then the comedy of errors! We entered the theater and took our seats. As the movie started, we were all puzzled! Why does the movie doesn't start with the titles? What is Raghuvaran and Prakashraj doing right in the beginning? Why does Vikram get so angry with Raghuvaran? Above all, why is the audience so silent? Didn't they get puzzled with the start? No whispers? No gasps? We turned back and asked the couple behind about this weird start and they told us that we entered the theater post-Interval! We just rushed out of that hall and we realized we had entered a wrong hall! Atleast those 5 minutes should have given us an indication of the horror facing us and we should have made our way out. Sadly, the $75 we had paid for the movie guided us to the correct hall and forced us to sit! The movie started and for the next 3 hours, it was a pain that i had never faced before in my life!

We were told that it was an action movie, but within the first 10 minutes, there was so much of laughter in the movie! They way Vikram expresses his interest in Prakashraj makes me feel that this movie is perhaps the Tamil version of "Brokeback mountain". But enter Trisha! Here is the confusion, why would a good looking, well educated girl fall for a pistol weilding rowdy, just because he fell on her one night? Why does she chase him as though she has never seen a male in her life? Like this, there are so many unanswered questions. By the time the screen gets frozen for interval, almost the entire audience just jump out from the seats and run out! I heard some of them even started vomiting inside the rest rooms!

Post interval, Raghuvaran, who was supposed to be a big shot, who has some 100 goondas working for him, gets lifted from his home overnight and is moved to some unknown location in Kanchipuram! What the f*** is this? Does the director think the audience are fools? Why the hell Prakashraj and Vikram dont kill Raghuvaran when they had him on his toes?

Whats funny (well, the entire movie is fun, this is probably one of it), is that almost all the goondas carry a gun, but they still end up beaten up by some rod or wooden piece. Why cant they use the gun when Bheema is around? The movie gets funnier(by this time people are almost standing on their seats and laughing out loud) as Aashish vidyarthi enters the scene as police commissioner from Mumbai. He wants to set up a special task force and the next scene we see a team of five guys, just dressed up as "Anbu chelvan's" team from "Kaakha Kaakha".Everybody in the theater wonders whether they missed the other spoof elements in the movie and start wondering where all this was heading to! Prakashraj gets to do a bit of romance, thank god, he didn't have a song sequence! The only saving face of this movie is the climax, which was much different from most tamil movies. But ultimately, it was such a stupid climax which didn't fit the other pieces of the movie. It looked as though the director framed the climax first and asked the assistants to write the rest of the story.

The movie got over at 1.30 AM, as we walked out of the theater, the -15 deg C weather outside was so pleasant that we stood for sometime to gasp some breathe and then we rushed to the car. This was perhaps the worst movie i have ever seen in my life, in theater. Aag perhaps comes a close second! If you want to know how it feels to have your head sliced by a Guillotine, watch this movie!

For once, i am happpy to be alive!